If you’re in the field of teaching, you’re in communications. If you’re in business, it’s about communication. Ditto if you’re a parent. 

In fact, EVERYTHING is about communication.

Unless you’re a hermit, you can count on human interaction being part of your everyday life. Whether you’re making a business transaction or having a friendly conversation, if you want success you need effective communication skills.

Let’s break down some important aspects.



BODY LANGUAGE

There is nothing that will give you more transparent information than observing a person’s body language. And it’s the simplest one to get good at. All you have to do is start paying attention; practice will get you good real fast. 

Sometimes what a person says is not what they mean. This doesn’t mean that people are liars, most of the time it’s coming from a good place. Many of my piano students are genuinely concerned that if they say what’s on their mind they’ll offend me or hurt my feelings. Or for whatever reason, they feel embarrassed and don’t want to be judged. “I practiced EVERY day (I barely practiced but I don’t want you to be mad at me).”

So when a student tells you yes but is shaking her head side to side, that’s a sign you need to dig further. Then again, when she’s looking at her feet or not making eye contact with you it might just mean she’s shy!

Body language is also the easiest way to gauge a student’s interest (yawning!).

There have been many times a student’s attention has waned during the lesson (eyes staring outside, disengaged posture, etc.). Where in the past I would continue talking obliviously, or even thought it was rude, now I see it as a telltale sign to change things up. Of course, sometimes they’re just plain tired or it’s late in the day (common sense).

In terms of using body gestures, I’ve learned that you can get a point across or help them dig deeper with something as simple as a head nod, head tilt, raising an eyebrow or just giving a suspicious look. 80% of the time I’ve just blankly stared at a student and they interpret it as, “keep thinking” or “you haven’t done everything you can yet.” The beauty of this is that the student can take your one gesture to mean many different things and find their own correct solution.

I sometimes also go the other extreme and totally exaggerate my movements, which can be fun…

But in order to get fairly good at reading a person’s body language, and also communicating your own, you have to have other processes on autopilot. So if you still have to think about what you need to do in that moment then you won’t have enough mental resources for observation in the first place.

Oh, and one other thing: don’t forget to smile =].



WORDS

Be cognizant of the language that you’re using. As a teacher, it’s especially important that I use the right words.

What does that mean? Well, what is the purpose of your words? Do your students really understand you?

If the majority of your students are young (mine) this means “dumbing” down your content. I’m not saying that to insult their intelligence, they just haven’t gained an expansive vocabulary or an understanding that encompasses the complex ideas and concepts you may be trying to explain.

In fact, even when I was in college there were many times when the professors would say things that went completely over my head. And when I looked around at my classmates I could tell they all shared my confusion.

Don’t make the mistake and assume they understand everything you’re saying. And don’t blame it on them if they don’t either!

So keep in mind that the more complex the topic, the simpler your explanation needs to be. If you think about life, the most complicated problems often have very simple solutions.

Use not only simpler language but also economic language (the least amount of words to get the point across). This is to make sure they don’t get bored (attention span) and that there’s more time to play piano (action/hands-on).

But it’s also a paradox. Sometimes you’ll want to expand on ideas by using examples from your own life or sharing a personal story. In this case make the descriptions as colorful as possible. Use metaphors and vivid language to keep the student engaged.

In my personal life I don’t tend to use a lot of academic language. With people I hang out with I’m comfortable being my typical California self. And with some students this approach works great because an informal atmosphere is what they best respond to.

But I also see the bigger picture with my older students, particularly those in high school. They’re not going to be studying piano forever (I wish) and the majority of them, if not all, will be going to college. If there’s one important skill I developed during my collegiate experience, it’s being able to clearly articulate my ideas. So with these students I try to create structural guidelines in conversation and help them develop the language they’re going to need in their pursuit of higher education.

Because I’m a teacher I feel comfortable switching back and forth between formal and informal language. If that’s not you then just do what comes naturally. Don’t force it.

One last helpful tidbit: Affirmative, positive language is better than the opposite. Example: “Try to remember” vs. “Don’t forget”



DELIVERY > CONTENT

A picture may be worth a thousand words but in this case, content matters less than delivery. What’s more important is HOW you paint, not WHAT you’re painting.

Think about your typical trip to the grocery store. When’s the last time a clerk looked at you with wide, bright eyes, a toothy smile and sincerely asked how your day was? Most of the time they’re just mechanically going through the motions. They’re saying, “how are you?” but what you really hear is, “I hate my job.”

When you listen to a song on the radio, the words aren’t that particularly poetic (grade-school language if we’re being honest). It’s usually the “swag” behind it, how the artist is expressing themselves.

When you hear different motivational speakers, it’s not the words they’re using that really get the point across. Listen to the inflection of their voice and the wide range of “dynamics” that they’re using.

Think about the tone of your own voice. What is the energy that’s coming across? Are you being loud enough to be heard? Are you being monotone? 

Also keep in mind you don’t have to be loud to get the point across. Intensity can be conveyed with a whisper.

Be expressive!


EMPATHY

Although I’m discussing empathy last on this list, it’s by far THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE. The reason? If you don’t have empathy, it doesn’t matter how good you are at the other forms of communication I’ve laid out. 

To quote the great, late Zig Ziglar, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

For a student to even want to listen to you, they must know you care. This means prioritizing their feelings over yours. It’s about understanding where they’re coming from: what shapes their ideas and beliefs, what their living situation and daily life is like.

Always be aware of how they’re feeling at that moment and adjust accordingly. Put yourself in their shoes.

Remember that no one’s perfect. I get into a slump from time to time but as a professional it’s my job to bring my best to each lesson because whatever I feel, my students will feel as well. 

Kids are very intuitive, much more than most adults give them credit for and they’ll know when you’re fakin’ the funk. It’s not about putting on a mask or a fake smile, it’s about giving them value and letting them know that, no matter how you’re feeling that day, you appreciate your time with them.

Ziglar also said that the act of selling could pretty much be summed up as a transference of feeling. And so, it’s the same with teaching and communication.

Give them your best and they will give you theirs in return.


IT CAN BE LEARNED

The takeaway is that anyone can become an effective communicator. If it’s something you think you have to be born with, think again. It just takes practice and humility.

If you care about having a fulfilling life, you need to be good at communicating. Life is not only about achieving your goals and dreams, it’s about people. It’s about making connections, forging relationships and enjoying each other’s company.

The journey is only a lonely one if you make it that way. 

Happy practicing.

Playing in a piano recital is a bit like the expression “let the chips fall where they may.” Meaning that you can’t control what happens in a performance, unlike practicing at home. One example I use to illustrate this difference to my students is by asking them, “What’s the difference between watching a DVD and going to the movie theatre?” [Next time you go to the movies, try raising your hand and asking them to pause the film while you use the bathroom xP]​

But I never liked the idea of crossing your fingers and hoping for the best. Although you can’t completely control how the performance will unfold, there are things you can do to prepare your piano students to play their potential.

The most important thing to keep in mind is the objective and goal for each individual student. As a teacher, find out what you want each of your students to achieve and reverse-engineer it. Objectives and goals must be custom-tailored to where each student is at in their musical journey and development.

For example, consider a first-time performer. For these newbies, we want to set expectations and standards as low as possible.  However, this isn’t an excuse for them to tank their performance; it’s to make their experience as pressure-free and enjoyable as possible. The goals at this level are simply to have fun and make it to the end of their performance.

For my more experienced students we raise the standards. When recitals feel “normal” for them, we can begin focusing on more challenging objectives. We talk about how their last performance went and I provide my own feedback as to what went well and what needs improvement. We focus on stage presence and communicating confidence with posture. On the stage, their goals are to play through their mistakes as seamlessly as possible, keeping a steady rhythm no matter what happens and allowing their expressiveness (dynamics, ideas, phrasing) to come out.

The proper mindset for a recital is that it’s not a competition. It’s an event to share your progress or test out new ideas. If anything, you’re competing against yourself. The audience and fellow students are there to support you. It’s amazing to me that sometimes a student will be shocked when I say that everyone is rooting for you, that they actually want you to do well.

With every student there are practical activities they can participate in to bring out their best performance, or at least their best effort. Keep in mind, though, that the end goal for all students should still be to enjoy themselves in the moment as much as possible. I also want them to look at each performance as a learning experience. It’s not about getting all the “right notes” or “not making mistakes.”

A successful performance has nothing to do with accuracy. In fact, what the professionals do better is not playing “perfectly”; it’s the way they react or respond to mistakes or memory slips that makes them different. Focusing on getting the “right notes” or “not making mistakes” will get you more mistakes. [As an exercise, try not to think of the color BLUE]

You (also) get what you don’t want.

For our recent piano recital I had many students, if not all, “rehearse” at their lessons. This entailed literally sitting at their chair, walking to the piano, playing, and bowing after finishing. At the same time I would ask questions such as: What is your cue to play? When are you supposed to bow? How many times do you bow? Why do you bow? Where do you go after you finish playing? The point of these questions is not to make them think more, it’s to help get them out of their heads. Seems like a paradox, right?

Well let me tell you, on recital day these kids are unbelievably nervous (especially if it’s their first time). This little event is a big deal for them. So it goes without saying that I want them to feel as comfortable as possible. Confidence will come in the knowledge that they know what to do every step of the way. Instead of freaking out, they’re waiting for their cue. Instead of shaking in their boots, they’re reminding themselves of when they’re supposed to bow.

Taking the focus off of yourself is a lot like volunteering. One of the reasons people enjoy volunteering so much is that it puts their attention onto something more worthwhile. In much the same way my hope is that the students will take their focus off of how nervous or scared they feel and onto the experience and audience in front of them.

It’s awareness.

As a side note, many students’ stage fright comes from lack of experience, not enough preparation, or even a traumatic childhood event. Lack of experience or getting past a trauma is not an immediate fix, but preparation is something we can do right away.

One huge mistake is trying to cram right before a recital. Many teachers start way too late to prepare for a recital, performance, or piano exam. Their motto is start slow, finish fast. But the proper execution is to start fast and finish slow. What I mean is intensely practicing as if the recital is next week when in fact it’s 3 months away.

Set buffer deadlines [mini-deadlines] instead of one big deadline. It’s like giving yourself a few safety nets instead of just one. Then as the recital approaches they can adjust and have a more relaxed strategy or continue to practice as hard as they want, all the while taking solace in the fact that they are extremely well prepared.

A great method to gauge a student’s preparation is to ask the following question:  Is this the best you can play at this very moment? If they say yes, they’re ready! No means more practice.

This is a great question because it allows the students to intuitively tell if they’re good to go. It permits them be honest with themselves and when they can be self-honest, it makes for a powerful incentive to practice more. I’ve found that when students are lagging behind their practice, this question jolts them out of their seats. It’s like a button gets switched on for them and they practice without me prodding them.

And even if they don’t make it in time, it’s still a learning experience. Whatever the result, it’s good for them to know that they could have come better prepared. It’s a spark I hope will motivate them for the next time around.

The last thing I would say is to help each student believe in themselves. I had an incident with a student where his preparation was not going well. My gut reaction was to be critical, wondering if he wasn’t practicing because he was being lazy or undisciplined. It was an eye-opener when I realized he simply didn’t believe he was capable of playing well. He didn’t think that piano was something he could be good at. Luckily, we found out in time to have a great turn-around.

Remember what Seneca said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

So when opportunity comes knocking, you can be sure I want my kids to be prepared to create their own luck.

Happy practicing.

In this blog post I go deeper into motivation while offering suggestions of how to practically implement each strategy. For the first of this 2-part blog post, click this:​

So the most important question you can ask yourself is not “how can I motivate myself?” It’s more like “what type of motivation works best for me?”

Why is this such an important question? Well, think of having the right type of motivation as being the right “fit” for you. If you’re using the wrong strategy it’s like trying to stick a square peg into a round hole. It just won’t work.

“Focus” is a great book on motivation and talks about two specific types in detail. They call it “Promotion” and “Prevention.” It might make more sense for you to think of it as “Pleasure” vs. “Pain” (À la Tony Robbins).

So what exactly are these two motivation strategies about? Let’s start with promotion-orientation.

Being promotion-focused is thinking about all the benefits and rewards that you will receive from completing your task or goal (the upside). If you think about what makes an entrepreneur or businessman successful, it’s that they’re far more likely to believe in achieving results by taking a certain amount of risk because they believe the reward will be that much greater. It’s more motivating for them to think in this manner than feeling offset by the fear of losing what they have.

But I want to stress that it’s not one motivation that’s better than the other. It’s about first understanding which one is better for you and then using it the right way.

Let’s take a surgeon or a doctor using promotion-orientation the WRONG way. “I think I’ll try out that risky, experimental technique I just heard about. 90% rate of failure? NO! 10% chance of success! Great odds!” Would you want to be their next patient/Do you have a death wish?

On the other end of the spectrum we have prevention-focus. Prevention-orientation is thinking of the bad things that may happen as a result of your actions or inactions. Note: This is NOT negative thinking. You’re trying to “prevent” bad things from happening, not exactly a negative outcome.

If you’re a defendant in court, you want a lawyer who is extremely prevention-oriented a.k.a someone who will “prevent” you from going to jail. The same goes for a dentist. You want someone who will help you prevent cavities and preserve your teeth.

Another example could be an accountant. Someone who will prevent the loss of your money due to mistakes in your financial records or tax preparation.

So even though I said promotion is upside, so is prevention!

It’s back to this idea of the right fit. Get the square peg into the square hole. Test out and find the right motivation strategy for yourself.

Most people will gravitate towards one or the other but whatever strategy you choose, again make sure you use it the right way.

Generally speaking, we’re much more promotion-oriented when we’re younger. We have this feeling of invincibility, like we have nothing to lose. Let’s all collectively shudder when we think back to all the dumb, even life-risking activities we partook in as a child. [Hmmm… I think I’ll stick my finger into that electrical outlet *BZZZ*]

So what happens is we usually switch to prevention-orientation when we get older. It makes sense when you think of how much more we have to lose by then and how much more challenges we’ve had to overcome. But it also explains how successful people can lose it all when they achieve their goals or how other people can lose their motivation to keep working hard. They get too comfortable, switching from the motivation that got them there (promotion) and relying on the motivation that didn’t (prevention).

Two illuminating examples of this are Albert Einstein and Sigmund Freud. They were mavericks in their heyday and became extremely stubborn near the end of their lives. [Success is as dangerous as failure, but that’s a topic for another blog post]

Of course the opposite is true as well. All of us are probably familiar with the story of a person who saves a fortune throughout his entire life and blows it all away in a single night. Vegas anyone??

I believe the right method is to use both types of motivation strategies. That’s not say to it’s going to be a perfect 50/50 split, you’ll most likely go 80% one motivation and 20% the other.

In my piano studio, I use a reward system. Each day of practice is 1 point and every 30 points nets the student $5 (promotion). They’re able to trade them in for a reward or save up for a bigger prize. After they’ve accumulated enough points I now have leverage: if they get lax in their practice or if their progress has been lacking, then I will begin to deduct their points (prevention).

The dilemma is that some students respond well to this and some don’t. For those who don’t, I’ve had to get creative. One student in particular had been practicing sporadically. This very same student loves his Instagram account, so together we came up with the idea that every missed day of practice would amount to one week of not being able to use his Instagram account. The very next week he had practiced 7 days straight (and the weeks after that). Fear of loss worked more effectively than gain of reward, especially when that “loss” was near and dear to his heart (Prevention over Promotion).

Of course this will only work if the student is willing to be accountable. If she’s not, then that’s where the parent must get involved. There’s only so much I can do as a teacher; I can’t force anyone to take responsibility.

I believe the most important lesson a student can learn is accountability and I think it’s best to teach this concept to them as soon as possible. Do you really think it’s a good idea for your child to realize there are no consequences for their actions?

Now, how can we use this in our personal life?

Let’s take one of my favorite topics: Exercise. I’m totally biased with my approach and one of my biggest motivations in exercising consistently is to occasionally pig out guilt-free. Say you’ve been crushing your workouts on a daily basis. You’re eating healthier, cleaner, getting more greens in your diet and limiting your junk food. I say treat yourself to a nice, high-quality dessert or favorite snack. Then, after you’ve built consistency over a longer period of time give yourself an epic cheat meal. I generally do my cheat meals once or twice a week. If you really want to get extreme see if you can continually exercise and eat healthy for 3-4 weeks. Then give yourself a cheat DAY!

Mentally you can visualize yourself getting the body of your dreams, gaining a sense of increased confidence, buying a new wardrobe and feeling more attractive. Imagine yourself getting older without injuries or diseases.

Now let’s examine the prevention side. Let’s say I get lazy and skip a workout. The next day I’ll prepare myself to do twice the workload (of course without being an idiot and injuring myself). A simple example could be skipping a half-hour walk. You MUST resolve to do an hour walk the next day. I’ll also skip that dessert or cheat meal I’ve been looking forward to.

Again you can use mental visualization and see yourself feeling sluggish and tired. Imagine getting out of shape and no longer fitting into your clothes. Picture yourself in old age getting a heart attack, waking up with pain or ending up in a wheel chair.

By self-punishing and self-rewarding it trains my brain to understand that there will be severe consequences if I ignore my most important tasks and great benefits when I accomplish them.

So use this example I’ve given you as a practical model and apply it in any area of life in which you’ve been struggling. And remember that none of this will work unless you’re willing to be accountable. Find a buddy, a spouse, or a partner who won’t take it easy on you, who will call you out on your BS. If you’re really having trouble, try publicly stating you’ll donate to a charity if you don’t do what you’re supposed to. If you want to up the ante, donate to a cause you hate.

Put your money where your mouth is.

Also, think of what type of motivation you’re using on others. Are you considering the motivation-orientation of your employees, spouse, or kids? It’s worth a try and it might be a life-changing experience for everyone involved.

And remember that motivation is only half of the formula. Take ACTION.

Happy practicing!

The first of this 2-part blog post deals with the wrong type of motivation. In the next post I’ll go deeper into the 2 types of motivation and how to use them the right way.

I’m going to begin today’s post with another college experience.

[Disclaimer: I do remember some great things about school, mainly the camaraderie and available educational resources but the negative experiences I had far outweighed the benefits. I chalk it up as being in the wrong school and not the school environment in general. I don’t want to make it seem as though I’m against the school system. Any good system can be broken.]

I specifically remember the first class I took with the chair of the department. This was a class where we would be presenting every week. In general, he had been fairly warm to the students who had presented. So when it came to my turn I was nervous but fairly confident. Outside of class I also felt like we had a pretty decent rapport developing.

My presentation came as a shock; I was caught off guard. He relentlessly peppered me with questions, often viciously pointing out the most minor, trivial details. I had no idea what was going on. I literally began to think he hated my guts. After my presentation was over (I didn’t even get through halfway) I felt crushed.

Destroyed, humiliated.

Later, a fellow student (already years into his degree and more experienced than me) could tell how bothered I was. So I was grateful to him when he took me aside and said it was the teacher’s way of showing he actually thought you had potential. He was basically tough on “good” students and very lenient and kind to “bad” students.

But this revelation didn’t make me feel any better. The only question that kept recurring in my mind was, “who on this green planet would feel motivated this way?” That was the PG-rated question.

There is a HUGE problem with this type of motivation. Not everyone likes it, especially me. More often than not, people hate it. [Actually, that’s not entirely true. On a football field? Probably. A class in front of my academic peers? Heck no.]

Treating another human being like this is utterly ridiculous and detrimental. How do you expect your brightest employees or students to work hard for you when you demean and embarrass them? Not all of us are masochists.

So I wasn’t “pumped” or “excited” to ace my next presentation. I was more tempted to see how fast I could make his head bounce off the wall.

Motivator? He was more like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Later that semester I saw him “motivate” another student the same way. The poor girl took it far worse than I did. In the back of my mind I sarcastically thought, “another student with ‘potential’ eh?”

De-motivation at its finest.

Unfortunately, this was a big factor that went into my decision to quit school. Did I really want to deal with this guy for the next few years? Not to mention he was in charge of the entire department! And if you’re in a similar situation, please don’t let monetary compensation or educational achievement be the end-all. I remember being hired for a group piano class with pretty good pay. Afterwards I quickly realized the coordinator who hired me was the same type of “motivator.” I happily quit after a month.

No amount of money or award is worth feeling that miserable.

You can’t treat people all the same because EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. Every student is unique. In my piano studio I can’t teach everyone the same way. It just doesn’t work and it’s the same with motivation.

So how do we motivate the “right” way?

Stay tuned for my next post!

In our personal and professional lives it’s certain that if you want to get somewhere, you need a goal. Not having a measurable outcome can set you up for failure; you need a target to hit, a bull’s-eye. But the downside to this approach is that in order to have long-term success, you need to operate outside of your comfort zone. A lot. And that means dealing with that constant, nagging feeling of uncertainty.​

I believe that if you are committed enough, you will accomplish your goals. But how you get there and what you will do isn’t always clear. The results may completely surprise you and your goals might actually change.

For example, take my blog posts. This may not surprise you, but I usually don’t know what I’m going to write about next. This doesn’t mean I don’t write down ideas. Sometimes I have future topics lined up, sometimes I’ll go for days where I have no idea what to write about and sometimes I’m ping-ponging back and forth between certain topics.

Yet I make sure to sit down at the computer every day. No matter what. Sometimes writing like a madman, sometimes staring at a blank screen like a zombie.

Although it doesn’t feel good, more often than not everything comes about organically.

Most successful people have the following trait in common: an unwavering faith in their abilities that is borderline delusional. They’re overwhelmingly positive and confident.

But they’re also realists; they know it’s not all rainbows and roses. They’re resilient.

It’s easy to be in a productive state of mind. What’s hard is when it’s not working for you and you don’t know why.

Don’t stop.

It’s a shame to see people give up so soon. They don’t realize that sometimes they’re just a tiny step or two away from achieving their goals.

Did you ever hear the parable about the gold miners? To make a long story short, there were these miners who dug for months without a single shiny object to show for their efforts. As soon as they give up, along come other miners who immediately strike gold in the same area. All they had to do was dig another inch.

One inch!

Then again, sometimes you think it’s right around the corner, but surprise! There are a few more miles to go…

So stay the course but don’t be a fool about it. Take equal time for self-evaluation. Try to find out if you’re an inch away or on a treadmill to nowhere.

Here’s one way to deal with uncertainty: just expect that unforeseeable events will happen.

The only thing you can be certain about is that the bad will always follow the good. You just don’t know what kind of bad to expect. There will be slumps. There will be difficulties. There will be personal, family, financial and emotional problems. Pure chaos.

Or maybe just minor annoyances. Little flies to be swatted down.

In any case, just know that “winter is coming.” A full-blown blizzard or light snow. Do yourself a favor and get used to it!

If I’ve been in a “flow” state where everything is clicking for me in piano, writing and teaching, I just know I will fall out of rhythm soon. I don’t look forward to it, yet I’m also anxious at the same time. As cheesy as it sounds, there’s always sunshine after the rain. I know I’ll grow (somewhat) or learn (something). Many of my strongest epiphanies and realizations happened after feeling lost and confused for months at a time.

Spring comes after winter.

So get 100% comfortable with uncertainty, stop trying to predict the future. It’s going to happen for you and you won’t know exactly how you’ll get there or how you’ll do it.

Prepare to expect the unexpected. Don’t let things get you down. Long-term progress is bumpy, riddled with detours, obstacles and flat tires along the way. Be prepared for the long run or you won’t make it.

As counterintuitive as it sounds, get some more uncertainty in your life. When most people zig, make sure you zag.

Happy practicing.

I’m going to share with you a BIG secret that helps me to be a better teacher.​

Over the years I’ve read, researched and put into action many, many things that have improved my teaching. But I’ve found there’s one simple thing anyone can do to make an immediate improvement.

Ask.

That’s it. The science of effective teaching at its basic core is this simple action. But you also have to ask the right way.

Let’s look at why.

Where does a kid spend most of their day? Drumroll please… That’s right, school. As much as school can teach kids about working with other individuals, operating respectfully in a system of hierarchy and having basic social skills, I’m not a big fan of a lot that goes on in the classroom environment. To be more specific, I think it’s unhealthy how children get conditioned to do things a certain way.

Here’s the situation: imagine you’re back in school and get asked a question in front of the ENTIRE class by your teacher. Spotlight’s on you buddy. Let’s say most of the time it’s an answer you know, but you feel the added pressure from the eyeballs of your classmates staring directly at you and your mind draws a blank. What would you do? Would you tell the teacher, “I can usually answer this question but with the added social pressure and attention on me at the moment I’m feeling very uncomfortable and unable to answer.” Or will you say… “I don’t know.”

Yeah, that’s what I thought. “I don’t know” is effective because it’s a get-out-of-jail card that works every single time. So the student uses it again, and again, and again until it’s conditioned into a habit. Because think about it, what is the teacher going to do? Accuse them of lying??

By the way, I use a simple fix for the dreaded “I don’t know.” I simply tell all my students that it’s a phrase they aren’t allowed to utter in piano lessons ever. EVER!

But you have to understand that this is not the student’s fault. In their mind they’re trying to respect their fellow students and teachers by not wasting time. Would you be comfortable standing there in complete silence for 3-5 minutes while trying to come up with an answer? In front of everyone?? At that age, that type of silence is deafening and minutes can feel like hours. Plus, most teachers don’t have the patience to wait in the first place.

And this is only half of the dilemma. The other half is that I personally believe many educators are terrible at getting honest, useful feedback from their students, especially in a group environment. If you’ve had the same experiences I did in college, you eventually found out that instruction isn’t necessarily better in a higher education system. The college classroom isn’t exactly the epitome of freedom of expression. Unless, hurray for you, you went to a great school with great professors.

One of the worst scenes (of many) I can remember was when I was still in a music doctoral program. One day, the professor asked for the class’s opinions and a student bravely volunteered (it can be scary to put yourself out there) and expressed her point of view. You could tell how nervous she was by her tone of voice. So what did this professor do? Well, she wasn’t rude about it but she basically told the student that she was flat-out wrong in front of everyone! Personally, I felt terrible for this student and I was horrified at how ignorant an “intelligent” professor could be. Congratulations! You just guaranteed that no one will want to speak up in your class ever again.

Is that the only reason why no one else was eager to speak up? Nope. Turns out 90% of the time none of my classmates had a clue to what this professor was talking about. I know, because I would ask my colleagues after each class was over. I was just as desperate as they were to understand the material.

But wait, the story didn’t end there. This same teacher later complained about a lack of student involvement! Administer self *head slap*.

So how do we not repeat this horrific experience and get honest, truthful feedback from the student?
Well besides doing my best to stay humble and admitting that I don’t always have the right answer, I also try to think of why I’m asking in the first place.

Is it to get honest feedback? Is it to help the student? I have to ask these questions sometimes because I’m far from perfect. In my lowest moments I can have the urge to do something petty to get the point across (we’re all like that sometimes, admit it). Knowing the why almost always snaps me out of it.

I want to know if they truly understand what I’m saying. And what’s important is that you have to create the space where they feel like they will not suffer ANY negative consequences whatsoever for their words. You have to make it 100% safe that they will not be judged, that they can trust you. What’s more important is how you make them FEEL.

You have to realize that some kids aren’t able to communicate effectively yet and you have to be willing to not take ANYTHING personally. Because trust me, sometimes the answers will sting you.

Side Note: Have you ever met adults that rub people the wrong way? Well, don’t hold kids to the same standard. It’s unfair.

Next, dig deeper. Even if you directly ask a student, “did you understand what I said?” they likely will agree even if they don’t really understand. On one occasion I kept pressing my student 3 or 4 times before they finally admitted they didn’t get it! The specific wording I used to snap him out of it was, “did you really understand what I just said or are you just trying to be a good student?”

So… Understand my frustration with school? This is what “being a good student” entails for many kids. This is also the #1 reason why I dropped out of my postgraduate studies (it was a long list).

Now, a great technique to check for comprehension is from the book “Teach Like a Champion.” Ask them to repeat what you just said. But make sure they paraphrase it in their own words. You’re not looking for them to repeat what you said word for word or phrase for phrase. Then make sure to ask them how they would apply what you said in a hypothetical situation. Do it, don’t let them (or yourself) off the hook! This technique really forces the student to dig deeper.

As always, think of other areas you can apply this, such as the work environment and personal relationships. But if people are afraid to give you feedback, that may fall on you. Are you making it comfortable enough for people to be honest with you or do you get defensive and quickly shut down their comments? Do you listen to their feedback only to do nothing to implement it later?

Conversely, if you’re someone who gives feedback are you wording it in such a way that they will actually want to hear you? Do you consider their feelings or are you being harsh in your choice of words? Remember, you have to communicate with people in their language, not yours.

Think of what better teachers, parents, siblings, colleagues, and bosses we could be.

Think of what better people we would be.

So don’t ever be afraid to ask. Because if you don’t ask, you’ll never find out.

Happy practicing.

“Do or do not, there is no try…” a wise green being once said to a future Jedi in training.​

But in that statement is a gem of counterintuitive advice. “Do not.”

A huge fallacy in the learning process is that we have to constantly be studying information. From the first day of school, we’re deluged with an endless stream of facts and forced to memorize everything mindlessly.

It’s a very shallow, surface level method of learning.

I believe part of this has to do with the relentless action-taking credo of today’s society. There’s this idea that success is constant, never-ending work.

It’s Workaholism 101. “You were here until 11 last night? Oh yeah, well I stayed past midnight!!!” We think of overworking and under-sleeping as a badge of honor when it’s the worst possible for our health, relationships, and career.

To think of it as food, we’re basically being taught to stuff our faces until our stomachs explode.
Take exercise. When you work out, what’s happening is you’re breaking down and tearing apart muscles which will then grow back stronger. But that’s ONLY if you have that crucial recuperation period. Constantly working out just causes injury (SNAP!).

Well, the brain is the same way. Would it surprise you if I told you the brain is most active when you’re sleeping? Because IT IS (scout’s honor). Scientific studies have shown this to be true. So a brain at rest isn’t necessarily a brain that’s regressing.

Think about those times you found a solution to difficult, perplexing problems (a.k.a . on the tip of my tongue syndrome). You most likely found it when you were doing something like showering, washing the dishes, or brushing your teeth. Moments when you’re not actively thinking. Which is actually productive thinking (mind blown!).

Of course I have to stress that this way of learning only works if you’ve been active! Please don’t think that being more of a couch potato is going to lead you to a Ph.D.

When I first thought of this concept I had flashbacks to when I was in college. I remember I would play my best piano one or two weeks after juries (live music exams) had ended.  And this was on top of not even touching the piano the entire time! The key to successful performance was right at my fingertips (no pun intended) and I mistook it for a fluke.

But don’t limit this to just practice, work or learning. Think of relationships with your family, friends or significant other. When’s the last time you shared quality time? Even when I see people spending time with each other they’re still constantly doing something. Watching media, television, or doing work side by side. When’s the last time you shut everything down and enjoyed each other’s pure presence?

Don’t get me wrong. Your success in life depends on action, MASSIVE action. But the thing is, you need periods of self-introspection to evaluate if you’re doing the right things that will lead you to where you want to go.

So take time to smell the roses. Stop what you’re doing once in a while and allow yourself to pause for some deep contemplation. Sit and listen. The feedback you will get is gold. Then apply it and get back to your course of action.

Happy practicing!

When it comes to taking group piano classes or private piano lessons, have you ever wondered which the better choice is?

Today, I want to share with you my personal opinion on the pros and cons of each path so you can make an informed decision.

Let’s start with class piano.

The immediate, obvious benefit of class piano is having a peer group. When we’re alone not all of us can stay motivated to do whatever it is that needs to get done. It’s hard to see the value (yet) of developing skill at something unless we can compare ourselves to others.

So the greatest benefit a group piano class can give you is one of accountability. The pressure of not wanting to be the one holding the class back is usually enough to make the average student want to put the work in every day. That’s why mastermind groups and team sports are such powerful social incentives.

And let’s face it, the piano is the loneliest instrument you could ever choose to want to play. Unless you have a rock solid self-discipline it’s hard to keep going without other people to relate to. If you don’t have a strong internal compass, private piano lessons are going to be a tough sell for you.

As a side note, I have to admit that I was always jealous of violinists and other instrumentalists. Having the orchestra as a creative and collaborative outlet is a luxury that pianists usually can’t count on.

Now… the negatives.

Learning is not a one-size-fits-all model! If you don’t fit into the “average” standard of the group you are placed in, you’ll always stick out like a sore thumb. For example, if you’re always ahead of the curve you’ll have to wait for the rest of the class to catch up each time.

But what’s worse is if you’re the one struggling. Do you really want to be the black sheep that’s always playing catch-up? This could be potentially even more detrimental for a younger student since they are more likely to identify with their peers and haven’t developed the backbone of an adult yet. Cue the feelings of shame and embarrassment.

Unrealistic comparisons and expectations can lead to traumatic experiences.

Another thing to keep in mind is the size of the class. Did you know that the larger the group, the less likely each member will be accountable to each other? In Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence,” he talks about this rule as being the law of numbers. I’d encourage you to read that chapter in more detail. The short of it is that people are more likely to be responsible when they are fewer in number than when they are in a big group. So if you happen to have 40 or more piano classmates… good luck.

Onto private piano lessons.

The biggest advantage (provided you have the right teacher for you) has to do with choice. You can choose to progress effortlessly. Or you can work out of your comfort zone. You’ll become better at your strengths while addressing your weaknesses, all at your own pace. Most importantly, you can choose the type of music you want to play (I hope).

Of course there are many private teachers who don’t give students this option. Many of my transfer students were playing music that they weren’t interested in at all, some of them for a FEW YEARS. Talk about having their curiosity and passion ground into the dirt! In my studio I let my piano students choose all their own music. As a teacher I have a hard time understanding why you would take that freedom away from them.

Now, the hardest part of private lessons is self-accountability. In my experience, adult students struggle the most and have a difficult time being consistent. An important lesson I try to hammer home for them is that they have to be responsible for their own actions. Mommy and Daddy won’t be there to make you practice. What I desperately try to communicate is they have to both create rewards and self-punishments for themselves.

No consequences = no results.

No rewards = miserable experience.

No system in place = a waste of time.

Younger students who have the benefit of a solid support system (parents, environment + teacher) don’t have to bear the responsibility of doing it all on their own. If the right structure and incentives are in place, they will practice.

Of course you can try giving ALL the responsibility to your kid. Let me know how that one goes…

In conclusion, I don’t have anything against group lessons but in my opinion they lose their benefits quickly. If you want to use them as a quick, short-term boost, go for it. Whatever gets you start.

Yes, private piano lessons are definitely more challenging and most of the responsibility will fall on you. But do you really want to have to depend on other people for motivation?

I say rise to the challenge. It’s worth it. Because that’s what life is all about, isn’t it?

Happy practicing.

“But I played so well at home.”

So goes the story of many pianists who don’t understand the difference between practice and performance. But once you understand what that difference is, all you need to do is employ the right strategies to be as successful in performance as you are in practice.

In my opinion, the biggest difference between practice and performance is control.

There’s nothing glamorous or fancy about real practice. Imagine Leonel Messi or Roger Federer. You can bet their practice is (or has been) focusing on one single move for hours at a time until they completely master it.

Think of practice as the distortion of reality by drilling a specific move until it’s “automatic.” In practice you can repeat a certain move ad nauseam. Can you imagine calling a timeout during a game to practice a move for 30 minutes before resuming? It’s like watching a DVD at home compared to watching a movie at the theater (get it?).

In short, practice is structured, methodically rehearsed and habit-building.

Performance, on the other hand, is another beast altogether. If you practice the right way things can randomly (frustratingly) go down the gutter.

Back to this idea of control. A saying in football is that the best team is the one who manages their time the best. Think about that.

Manage your time because you can’t control your outcome.

For the 2015 season, there was no NBA team that scored higher than a 50% in terms of field goal percentage (shots made). That means they miss half their shots! Every NBA team! Do you think that applies to their practice? Of course not, that number’s usually 100% if not 200%.

And don’t forget luck.

If you look at the most pivotal moments in professional sports, sometimes it comes down to pure dumb luck. The ball literally bounced their way.

So knowing what you know now, how do you practice for performance?

It’s simple, really. Practice performing.

What does a team do when they want to simulate the game experience? They scrimmage. But remember that scrimmages are a very small percentage of their practice. It could be 5% or 10%.
If you scrimmage too much, you will lose the valuable skills and knowledge you gained through practice. So make sure your run-throughs (performances/scrimmages) are just to evaluate where you’re at.

Here’s a formula that will help: 10 practices = 1 successful scrimmage. 10 scrimmages = 1 successful performance. So that’s 100 practices and 10 scrimmages just to get 1 good performance.

Now all that’s left is for you to execute.

Happy practicing!

When it comes to having a successful piano recital performance no one can deny the importance of consistent practice and performance rehearsal. But there’s one thing you can do that doesn’t even require a piano to enhance your success.

Bow.

That’s right, a simple bow.

It’s funny to think it can all basically depend on looking at the ground. So let’s dig deeper and you’ll understand that this one thing makes all the difference in the world.

Many concert artists have said that performance starts before you even play a single note, that it starts the moment you set foot on stage.

The moment the audience sees you.

So, everything you do before you even sit at the piano affects your piano performance (a.k.a. “stage presence”).

In the book “The Creative Habit” the author talks about “keystone” habits. This single “master” habit lays the foundation from which all other actions, plans, and strategies lead to success.

One single habit. One starting point.

So think about your bow, the way you walk to the stage, and even your posture as keystone habits. Rehearse them until it’s completely automatic, completely natural. This will be your secret weapon against nervousness.

And nobody will know but you.

In my last “How to Make Piano Practice Automatic” post I talked about making practice into a habit. So when your pre-performance routine is a habit, it becomes something familiar and something to depend on for when your nerves get the best of you.

And the opposite is also true. If you don’t feel confident when you bow (i.e. you haven’t rehearsed it enough), it can create negative momentum that spirals into a poor performance.

Also, give some serious thought to starting a keystone habit for yourself first thing in the morning. That one thing you do as soon as you wake up will set the tone for the entire day. It could be something as simple as making a cup of coffee or a quick mantra.

Do it every morning and you’ll see a difference in your day.

So what else can you do before playing that first note on the piano? Do you have a specific routine for your day?

Sharing is caring, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

As always, happy practicing!